the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
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athanasia(อาธานาเซีย)เรื่องย่อ
the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
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The Diary Awaiting Oblivion (ENG)
the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
i scroll
i watch
and i write down what i already know but pretend to forget
‘there must be something to catch within the first second…two at most. otherwise they will swipe past as if i never existed’ i scribbled quickly
’there must be noise, loud enough to pierce through their boredom’ the scratching sound of the pen was the only echo in my mind
‘it must be about love, about drama, about wounds’the tip of my pen faltered…as if unsure whether to continue continue
‘yet even so, i do not want to do it...’ i whispered to myself
on the screen i saw what people adore— ‘pleas for pity’ ‘pleas for sympathy’ ‘cheap laughter’ ‘truth twisted into stories’ or ‘the tale of someone falling apart’
—and millions watched, pretending it mattered
i looked at those things, the comments pouring faster than i could read
some comments clutched my throat until i nodded…some slapped me hard enough to make me want to delete the app entirely
so it was no surprise that the channels filled with arguments screamed the loudest, and the louder they screamed, the more people gathered around
yet i shut it down quickly, so i would not see myself as part of it — so i could keep my own self blurred but intact
i closed the phone, then turned back to the diary on my notebook — which was different... but that difference was no special thing. it was only ordinary, an ordinary the world has chosen to abandon
i closed my eyes, gazing out the window at the wide mountains. today the sunlight was paler than usual, and the air smelled damp as if a storm was coming
i stared for a long while, thoughtless, before turning back at last, deciding to throw my diary into tiktok, where it will vanish whether anyone notices or not
there is not enough reason that i must do this…
but there is not enough reason to stop either