the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
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athanasia(อาธานาเซีย)เรื่องย่อ
the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
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The Diary Awaiting Oblivion (ENG)
the diary of someone who never understood the world — even though he understood it well enough
at 1 a.m. tonight, i downloaded app called tantan again, after having installed it 2 years ago
yet nothing had changed — i kept swiping people away, countless faces, beautiful, handsome, but none that truly felt “genuine”
left swipe after left swipe, right swipe after right swipe, as if another person’s life could be reduced to a single second of judgment. and i knew, at the other end of the screen, they were doing the same to me
hours slipped by until morning. i asked myself: “am i really meant for the chinese?”
so i asked chatgpt, feeding it all the details. it answered me plainly: “based on your my desires, china is the clearest answer for me”
so i kept scrolling, dragging myself into the afternoon—
until i saw her profile, with one question written at the top:
— if one day money were no longer necessary, what would you want to do? —
her answer was simple:
— to become a teacher for children in the countryside —
that line jolted me awake from my drowsiness.
i read through her posts over and over, and finally pressed the superlike — because it felt as if she had mirrored the very core of my heart
but by the end of the day,
i had swiped away countless more
switched cities until i lost interest
and none were like her again
she never matched back
and at last, i deleted the app — only to realize: the most painful thing is not rejection, but that the other never even knew i had chosen them. or perhaps, i too was dismissed in a single second
perhaps love in this age is not rare at all.
it is only stripped of its worth in one second